Tuesday, December 18, 2007


It's Tuesday. Friday will be here soon and I'll know. I'll finally know ... at least I think I will. I've discovered that medicine is not an exact science. For all the studies, clinical trials, med schools, residencies, tests, breakthroughs - there is still so much we don't know about how the body works or how to treat or diagnose illness.

Three words have defined me lately: lonely, depressed, and frustrated.

I think that the cold weather, being in the house too much, and working from home have a lot to do with that. You tell anyone that you're working from home and they say, "Oh, I wish I could do that." Well, it isn't all it's cracked up to be. I miss the social interaction of the office. I miss being in on all of the latest gossip, the latest rumors, the latest everything. So many times I'm on a conference call and I think, "Why didn't I know about that?" Many times things transpire in hallway meetings, and other people assume I know what came of that. NO!

I am grateful that I get to work from home, or else I probably would not still be able to work. The commute, the grueling long days, the fretting over my dogs being at home alone all day ... I'm very lucky, I know. Yet I do miss working in an office.

Christmas is just around the corner, and I imagine that several people have decorated their offices. I haven't even decorated my house, except for the wreath and a garland. Isn't that sad? So much has happened this month, though. I was lucky to get that much done. And I sent out my Christmas cards early this year! Amazing. Last year I think I mailed them on the 23rd. Scandalous!

Still doing my crossword puzzles to get going in the early morning. It gets my fingers moving in the right way and gets my brain assembling words in the right way. I need both of those skills before I can get on with my day. I couldn't do that if I were working at the office. I have two computers going - one connected to the VPN at work and the other just checking my personal email and what have you. Couldn't do that at the office.

Yesterday my brain got a workout with a white paper on L2TP along with some reading on the Cisco site. This is in preparation for writing release notes for our latest patch. Had to do the same thing for SRP, too. It keeps me on top of things. I don't want to be an engineer anymore, but it's necessary for my job that I have some clue as to what I'm writing about. Otherwise I produce sub-standard documentation. I don't know if my counterparts do the same kind of research, but I find I'm having to do that. It makes my work less two-dimensional.

Well, it's off to work I go. Upstairs to my office. I may not write again until Friday. I'm hoping for a diagnosis then. I hope. I'm tired of this limbo. The only good limbo is on a beach in the Caribbean.

Peace - D

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