...for something I just need to do. The regular posts will start again tomorrow.
I know we don't talk as much as we used to, and of course that's my fault. I'm not even going to start this off with the "god bless this person and that person" like I used to, because I know that you already do bless them. And many of the people I used to ask you to bless, you've gathered up to be with you. Fewer of the people I love are left here every year. That's life. It's a fatal condition.
I need to ask you a favor, God. I need for you to send me just the right doctor. One with his eyes and ears fully engaged and his diagnostic skills the best. Of course, I'm just using a generic pronoun. The doctor can be a she. I don't care about gender or nationality or what school he (or she) went to. I just need one with a sharp mind and steady hands. For more than two years, the pain has been bad, and today it was really, really bad. I felt it coming on yesterday.
As you know, Lord, it starts at the base of my skull and spreads out from there. Ground Zero is where I have a Chiari type I Malformation, and to fix it would require brain surgery. The last neurosurgeon who looked at it didn't think it was significant enough to operate on. He isn't walking in my shoes, God. Though the CSF still flows normally, the pain starts right there and radiates to my neck, my shoulders, down my arms, down the rest of my spine. So I'm begging you, please send me the right doctor. I am human, after all, and I need your divine help and the help of humans you have blessed with medical skills.
I'm not going to bargain with you, as I did when I was a little girl, asking you to please, if you would, just give me perfect vision and I'd never sin again. You knew I could never keep that promise because I'm human. No bargaining. Just a humble request for help. The miracle drug that I thought was going to release me from this constant companion has helped most days, but then I have days like this and I just want to pull the covers over my head and not move.
And if you can't send me a doctor, please just hold my hand and give me the strength to bear this for however many more years I am destined to be on Earth.
Your humble servant - D