Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Run to You


This image is courtesy of and © MTV: Music Television. All Rights Reserved.


When my daughter was a toddler, MTV was in its youth (and was still pretty good). It was like having the radio on all the time, except that the new world of videos was blooming. MTV today is nothing like it was in the beginning. One of the things I grew to hate about the videos was that they took away the images I had in my head of the song. You know what I mean. Who hasn't heard a new song and enjoyed some cranial video of riding a rollercoaster with an ex-boyfriend, falling asleep with a David Cassidy poster overlooking your bed, or a special moment with loved ones playing in your head. Videos took that away. Some of the videos really went over the top; just take a look at most of the Journey videos (and I love Journey!). Eventually I could no longer stand to watch music videos at all, and today I will go out of my way to avoid them.

However, my kids grew up with MTV, and it's funny how they would react to some of the videos. My son, for example, really took a shine to Peter Gabriel's songs "Sledgehammer" and "Big." Later, the kids got into Bon Jovi, and our daughter would have Daddy fly her around the living room by the straps on her Oshkosh B'gosh overalls when "Livin' on a Prayer" came on TV. She also loved the song by Heart -- "Alone." For some reason, as soon as it would come on, she would run down the hall and throw on a big lavender dress she used for dress up. It was frilly and twirled nicely when she spun around. Then she would grab her Daddy's microphone and sing along. We recorded her, but I don't know if we still have it. Remember, there were no hi-tech gadgets like camera phones, digital video recorders, or digital cameras. Most of their childhoods were captured with Kodak 110 film that we would hang onto until we had a few rolls to go develop. (And no 1-hour photo labs...no Wal-Mart either!)

I have photos of her playing air guitar on a wrapping paper roll right along with Daddy (who was doing the same thing) as they watched videos together, her long honey-colored hair moving with the music. During that time, she was Daddy's little girl, and I was pretty busy with my new little man who was such a good baby. He slept through just about anything.

I don't know what got me thinking about all of this, but I remembered that my daughter was fascinated with one video in particular - a Bryan Adams video for "Run to You." When she first saw it, she walked up to the TV, looked at the girl in the video, looked at me, and then pointed to the TV. "Mommy!" she said. She was convinced that I was in the music video. Yes, it's back when I was quite young, pretty, with a head full of shiny chestnut hair. I guess I did bear a resemblance to the girl in the video.

That was before life got so hard. Those were good days. I have many fond memories of that beautiful little girl. As hard as life got to be later, I've never forgotten her beautiful blue eyes, long blonde hair, love of music, sense of the outrageous, and joie de vivre that were all there when she was a little girl. I miss that little girl so much. I wonder where she went. I wonder why the darkness overcame her. Why do these things happen? Why does life have to be so hard sometimes?

I don't know those answers. I will leave you with the video for Run to You. This is the image of Mommy that my little girl had. We all form those images in our heads. They are ours alone, and we never want them to be overridden by something phony that is concocted in a sound stage. I keep hoping I'll find my little girl around the next corner....

Peace - D

7 comments:

MamaGeek said...

The good ole days indeed. We all base everything on that don't we.

Lavinia Ladyslipper said...

Reminds me of "GLory Days" by Bruce Springsteen...

Oh Momma, I'll tell you what happened to that beautiful carefree little girl....Life happened.

I was once that girl too. Up for adventure, devil-may-care, footloose and fancy free, fearless, daring, happy-go-lucky...

I barely recognize that person today!

Sadly, I don't think we'll ever find our "little girls" ever again...

"WHat happened?", is right...

Momma said...

Mamageek - True, so true. But things have been very bad for my daughter for the last 10 years. I worry for her...

Lavinia - Admittedly we have all grown and changed, and I doubt my mother knew what happened to me, either. As I said to Mamageek, though, things have been very bad for my daughter for the last 10 years. She has mental illness and acts out quite a bit. Most of the time, I don't know if she's really safe or not, I just have to trust God.

Peace - D

Not Afraid to Use It said...

I am so sorry for you D. I cannot imagine how badly you want a healthy relationship with your daughter. I look at LittleBird and all the hugs she wants and freely gives. In her world I still walk on water. I know that will change, and it scares me. I know she has to grow up. I want to grow with her. I don't want her to grow away from me.

highlander1463 said...

I think everyone puches away from their parents at some point in their life. But our daughter doesn't know how to come home. And everytime we try and help her she pushes even harder against us. I hope she finds her way.

-P (dad)

Lavinia Ladyslipper said...

Momma, I will say an extra prayer tonight for you and your daughter....I hope your daughter finds her way....as a mother, we can't stop worrying or agonizing for our children...stay strong, Momma....and lean on the Lord....

Momma said...

NATUI - Yeah, you really have to appreciate those days when they love you, because you just never know.

Highlander - Dear man, you put it very well. She doesn't know how to come home.

Lavinia - Thanks, sweetie. I definitely have had to give her to God. I can't control this situation myself.

Peace - D