Monday, June 2, 2008

What's So Hard About Blogging?

Nothing, some days.

Some days it's as natural as breathing, but others? Well, it's a challenge to know just how to put into a rather short article just what is going on in my life. At the moment, it's a little bit of this, a little bit of that... (go ahead, you know you're humming that doggone song!) The challenge, however, as I face my readers is -- do you care?

After all, I started this blog so that I could share my poetic side, and a bit of my life, too, I suppose. I don't want to share too much of my poetry, though, because when I submit it to periodicals, they want something fresh, not something freely given away. I'm not famous enough to do that just yet, nor am I amateur enough. I'm at the tipping point where things might start to happen rather quickly.

I read a lot of your blogs through a blog reader, which I highly recommend as a way to get through them more quickly without having to flip down through bookmarks, and I enjoy so many great photos. I'm not a photographer, though, and very often the pictures you get from me come from a cell phone camera. I feel like I'm showing you my grainy home movies! I don't have some great story to tell, either, not like some of the amazing people I've come across on the web who are facing immense challenges in their lives. I won't name names here, because I would hate for anyone to think I was -- I don't know -- jealous (?) in any way of their major life issue (cancer/sick children/dying parents/etc.). It's just that they have a story to tell. What is mine?

So I began to wonder where I wanted to go with this blog, when lo and behold, Lavinia Ladyslipper told me what it was all about! She was right! I've been blogging what it's like to go through mid-life, figuring myself out. It's a life passage like any other that requires thought, energy, and lots of ice cubes (read: hot flash antidotes).

Some time ago I picked up a book from a bargain bin at the bookstore, simply because it was by an author I knew, and I needed the 3rd book to get the 3 for 2 sale price. It's called When the Heart Waits and is by Sue Monk Kidd, the author of The Secret Life of Bees. I don't even remember looking at the topic very closely, but I came across the book this weekend when I was moving everything into place in my new office. Guess what it's about? Yes. Mid-life.

Kidd writes about her sense of loss and loneliness, of the whole "Who am I?" question and about finding a cocoon on the very day she was taking a long walk and wondering if she even wanted to go home. It's such a strange time in our lives. For women, a sports car or an affair won't do the trick. We have to go inside ourselves and birth a new person. I don't know about you, but I birthed two already and was hoping not to have to go through the labor pains again! Yet here I am, just like Kidd, searching for the real me, the true self that I was before I started putting on all the masks that let me explore the world and its inhabitants.

Can you see the real me, doctor? Doctor?
- The Who, "The Real Me"


(Picasso, 1938. Woman in a Hair Net)

I know that bits and pieces of me, my sense of humor, my poetry, my style, my faith, all come through in the blog, but who is the real me? The total me? I'm still figuring that out, and I'm honored to have you all along for the ride. I hope to land in one big integrated heap someday soon. I may end up looking like a Picasso, but I hope you'll still respect me in the morning ;-)

Peace - D

11 comments:

leslie said...

Been there. Still there. If you find any great answer to the big question of "Who Am I?" be sure to let us all know.

highlander1463 said...

I am still trying to figure out me. But if you need some help I will try :-D

-P

Daryl said...

Whew .. not alone! I have wondered what my purpose (other than to irritate my husband by doing things like tossing dead greenbeans directly into the trash instead of leaving them in the container they were in) in life was ... who I am .. well I am a work in progress and likely by the time I am done, I will be done... meanwhile I continue to apply patches and updates and interfaces ...

:-Daryl

San said...

Doris, it's a tough time. I had a tough time with it and I thought I'd just sail through. I've got several years on you, babe, and yes, it gets better.

This is a great post and Picasso's fragmented woman is the perfect image to display all those parts we want to add up to The Real Me.

Keep weaving the words, hon. They'll pull you together. And we enjoy them so!

Momma said...

Leslie - I will definitely clue you in if I find the answer! One of the passages I read said that it is our earthly self dying and allowing the Christ within to be expressed. It's an interesting thought.

Highlander - If you find me while you're looking for you, make sure you put a post-it there or something!

Daryl - I like that. Adding patches and upgrades and interfaces. Kind of like my son's computer he has been reviving for 8 years (pretty old in 'computer years'). It has pretty flashing lights of different colors in the case, 5 or 6 fans (for the hot flashes, I suppose), and just keeps getting new drives (not sure if they are sex drives or not...) :-) I'll just keep upgrading, too!

San - You know the thing I liked best about the Picasso? I had to laugh out loud at the thought of writing about mid-life and posting a fragmented picture of a woman in a hair net. It just struck me as so funny. Hubby didn't get it. I told him I guess you had to be a woman....He just said, "But you don't wear a hair net." I wonder if I can get Daryl to make a toon about that....

Peace - D

Not Afraid to Use It said...

I think for every phase of our lives there is a good portion of it dedicated to figuring out who we are in that moment. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that this is a life-long process. You made your point very eloquently.

Jennifer H said...

I love blogging for the chance it gives me to just toss everything into it, like soup.

Who am I? is definitely a question for the ages. And for every age, it seems.

Momma said...

NATUI - Thank you, and yes, I think we are always a work-in-progress. I hope that I will someday be a masterpiece.

Jennifer - You make really good soup :-)

Peace - D

Lavinia Ladyslipper said...

I am like Leslie. Been there, still there....

The total you is never going to be bloggable, just as its never going to be knowable by anyone else....

Each of us is too complex, too multifaceted, throw in a mass of contradictions and there you have a recipe for midlife...

What is blog reader and how do I find it?

lime said...

wow, i am right there with ya, sistah...birthing a whole new person...very well said.

Momma said...

Lavinia - I'll send you an email about blog readers. And yes, I think that we may be like a gem hanging from a thread, constantly turning to show a different facet to the world.

Lime - Thanks for stopping by. I loved your post, though I don't get by your place nearly often enough.

Peace - D