Why is it that whenever I have something new and serious going on in my body, I think "cancer" -- immediately? Is it because the big C wiped out most of my father's family (including him)? Is it because Cancer is this big scary word that strikes fear in the heart of any reasonable person? Or is it from watching my dad go from vague symptoms to radiation in the blink of an eye?
Whatever makes me think that way, I'm scared right now. The stomach pain that I thought was from a virus just won't go away. I eat and I end up in pain, doubled-over. I no longer have a gallbladder, so that isn't it. I'm back on my Prevacid, but yes, it could be an ulcer. It hurts so much that I don't want to eat. I have mixed up some diet shakes for the day and will be sipping on those and calling the gastroenterologist on Monday. I don't look forward to diagnostic tests - God knows I've had plenty of those in the last few years - but I know better than to wait. My genes aren't good ones. I have the big C on one side and heart disease on the other. Though I try very hard to do the right things for my health, you never have any guarantees.
I hope I don't sound like some big hypochondriac here. I'm just scared. Pain is something I'm used to. I live with it daily. But this is a new pain, and it's insistent. It won't leave me alone, and it's sapping my energy. So much for cleaning day. I'll be lucky if I get the laundry done.
Going back to bed for awhile until the knot in my stomach caused by my unreasonable bowl of cereal subsides.
Peace - D