Monday, January 26, 2009
Some of the stress is gone.
Daughter moved out yesterday after a very, very bad weekend in which we discovered many lies, many half-truths, and a lot of theft.
Once her things were gone and my house key was back on its hook, I had the strangest sensation of weakness all over my body. My legs were rubbery and threatened to not carry me across the room, much less up the stairs. But carry me, they did, right up to my bed. The stress hormones, which must have been quite high for the last month, were draining from my body. With them went my strength.
For three hours, I slept soundly. I got up, had dinner, and did some reading. Before my usual "bedtime," I shut out the lights and slept some more, deeply. I was no longer worried about the craziness that had invaded my home since Christmas.
Even after a solid 8 hours of sleep, I wanted to shut off the alarm, call in sick, and go back to sleep. But I'm up. I'm getting ready to get started with my day. I realize that it will be the first time in awhile that I will have a quiet, centered day. Maybe I can actually focus.
It doesn't change how drained I feel, though. I'm not sure what will happen to Daughter, but she conned someone else into letting her sleep on their couch. Her addictions are many. Her self-control is nil. And she refuses rehab. The law being what it is, she doesn't have to do anything. While it is gut-wrenching to know that I can't help her, it is a great relief to feel safe again in my own home.
It was a time of ups and downs. I thought I had turned it all over to God, but apparently I was holding onto a lot of worry. I'm only human, after all.
Now I have to get to work. And then I will work on getting my personal strength back.
Peace - D