Saturday, January 3, 2009

Sad, Crazy World

There's been a lot going on in my life lately, and it has all conspired to send me into a bit of an emotional tailspin. I'm alright, but I haven't had anything clever or inspired to write to you.

Briefly -
  • My daughter moved back home over Christmas and is getting help for some of her issues
  • Lily (my oldest bulldog) got some kind of stomach ailment and had me up all night one night last week
  • Daughter had an asthma attack the next night and we spend 5 hours at the ER
  • An eye exam (our Christmas present to her) revealed a hemorrhage in one eye and damage in the other eye due to some of her lupus medication (I don't know what happens now...she has another appointment with a specialist...)
  • My son lost his job (along with all of the other part-timers) at the start-up software company where he was working
  • My husband's car quit on him (fortunately it was only a dead battery)
  • The thing about Liquid Illuzion (which really upset me...)
  • And tonight I heard that a dear friend's father was stabbed to death on his boat in Houston today (at this point, it's all I know...they don't know who did it or why...)
Separately, these things would be bad enough. Put them all in a blender and pulse them and you get a recipe for depression and anxiety. Needless to say, I've had a few good, hard cries. I've lost sleep. And I haven't been at my best. I've had many moments of doubt and fear. I've wondered if anything I have planned for my life makes any sense.

I know that it does and that I'll be okay. I just need a little time and sanity. I need for the world to stop dumping on me for a few days. I need to remember to be grateful for all the blessings in my life. This little bout of ennui has me shaken, but I always bounce back. I just need to be patient with myself and not give up.

I just have to remember, too, that in the midst of all of this, if I don't take care of myself I'll regret it. I know what to do. I just have to do it.

Peace - D

18 comments:

Cloudia said...

Glad you clearly know how to care for yourself. Thanks for sharing your burden with us, your friends. I beleive in you and am sending Warm Aloha! If you have a friend who's REIKI initiated, you'll be surprised at the wonderful effects. Hang in there brave Poet!!

Maggie May said...

D....... you have had a good few things to deal with there. Sorry to hear all the things that seem to be going on right now. The suicide of the blog mate is a shock in itself and I was also sad about it and yet didn't know her.
Your daughter coming back to you for help with the eye condition to sort out and your son being made redundant are enough to worry about with out all the other aggravations.
I feel like that a lot, as you know. It is the bombardment of things going wrong that gets to you in the end, not the severity of one or two problems.

This time of the year we can feel a bit flat and Spring still seems a way off!
I visited a blog the other day and got this quote, which I felt was very true:-
Worrying does not empty Tomorrow of its Troubles.
It empties Today of its Strength.

Look after yourself D....... hang on there and realize that we are all looking out for you. ((hugs)) X

SandyCarlson said...

That's a full plate. First, I hope your daughter's eye situation gets resolved and that she moves forward looking for resolution to those things that trouble her. And I hope your son finds some other work even in this tough economy.

I am sorry about the dad in Houston who was shot. That is very, very sad. There are some merciless people in this world the effect of whose actions are far-reaching. If only they could be reached before they lash out with such cruelty.

Know that you are not alone, that shivering in New England is a friend who cares about you and hopes these things are righted soon. God bless.

Moannie said...

I am so very sorry to hear of all the troubles that seem to be piling up at your door. It is good that you are strong but flowers that do not bend, break. If love alone can help you I'm sure you know that all those bloggers faithful to you are sending it out by the bucketful. And those who can are praying for you. Find a quiet spot and scream and yell, don't be brave and hold it all inside you.
Here, catch...another bucket of love is coming your way.

Hilary said...

When it rains, it pours... I hope things settle down soon but in the meantime try to get some sleep.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

I will never forget a quote made by a character in Charlie Brown - "Stop the world, I want to get off". I say it when I feel down and find myself getting straight back on again in no time at all.

Take care of yourself. You have had a difficult time to cope with but there is a lot to look forward to.

CJ xx

Daryl said...

((((Doris)))) ... and you have us to listen and offer advice .. stay strong ..hug yourself hard and think good thoughts, this is a tough time of year

tysdaddy said...

You're in my thoughts today, Doris. Hug yourself for me . . .

Jay said...

My goodness ... that is a lot to deal with. :(

I didn't know the blogger who comitted suicide. How very sad. No wonder that touched you so deeply.

Do take care of yourself, and remember, it's only worth getting stressed about things that you can do something about. For the rest, say a prayer, spare a few good thoughts, and then leave it to the Universe, and the Man Upstairs.

I hope your daughter's eye exam goes well, and the specialist can help her, an that your son will find work very soon.

Hugs, D. xx

Mental P Mama said...

When it rains, it pours. I am holding you in mu thoughts. And am hopeful that your daugher is getting some help. Take care, Doris. I am pulling for you.

Akelamalu said...

I'm so sorry to hear the new year has started off like this for you but it can and will get better I'm sure. Treat yourself kindly. I'm sending you good thoughts and oodles of Reiki. xx

® ♫ The Brit ♪ ® said...

Hi Doris,
I am so sad to hear about all your terrible times that you are going through!!
I know that when things get so bad it really is difficult to keep thinking positive but try to stay "up-beat" as I truly believe that this works... it has worked for me in the past and is something that my Mum passed onto me. I really believe that positive thoughts and prayers attract positive things to us!

Thinking of you dear friend and sending some virtual hugs and kisses to you!

P.S: My Aunt has Lupus too and she suffers terribly with it! She is coming to visit me here in Brazil this year.

RiverPoet said...

Cloudia - Thank you, my friend.

Maggie - You're awesome. That quote has been on my lips all day, and I shared it with my church friends. We all agreed it's the best one we've heard lately. Thank you so much.

SandyC - Thank you. I do feel much less alone tonight.

Moannie - Thank you for that bucket of love. I appreciate it so much!

Hilary - Thank you - I actually slept like a rock last night, and it helped.

CJ - Yes! I loved Peanuts as a child and still do. Charles Schultz was a genius.

Daryl - Thanks for the hugs. Yes it is a difficult, low time of year. I am trying to focus on the positive, though.

Brian - Thanks, that was an excellent hug. And in your words..."I don't know...."

Jay - Thanks. It true that it does no good to worry. "Borrowing trouble" is what my ever-fretting mother called it. This (all) too shall pass.

MPM - Thank you. She is getting some excellent help, and there is hope for the first time in ages!

Akela - I'm hoping that this rough start is an indicator of better things to come. Thanks for the love and the Reiki.

Donnie - Lupus is a serious, terrible illness that struck my mother and both of my sisters - now my daughter, too. It's horrible what it does to the body. I hope that your aunt lives a good long time and has a wonderful visit with you in Brazil. Thanks for your thoughts and well wishes -

Peace - D

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Oh D. I cannot believe what you have been through. Sending you lots of love from us.

Hilary said...

Sending big hugs your way. I'm sorry life has been so rough for you.

San said...

I have a friend who calls times like this a "shit votex." She has had many herself and has the lingo down.

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

sometimes writing it down is even scarier..its how we find the energy to get through that is amazing in itself...take care of yourself, you;ll be help to no one if you let things slide..

thinking of you,

FFF x

SOUL: said...

sure does look bad when ya make a list doesn't it?? i hope you are taking some time off for yourself. cuz you're right... if you don't take care of you, you will regret it.
so, just do it-- like nike :))