Saturday, April 11, 2009

Words Fail Me

This was the toughest week of my life, but somehow I got through it. I want to blog. I want to journal, but the words aren't coming. Though a million thoughts are making a circuitous track through my mind, covering the same ground again and again, nothing is getting resolved. It's early yet, though, and I know that it will get better. That's the thing about grief -- I know that it does get better with time and patience.

The service was just as I hoped it would be -- a celebration of her life. The first song we played was the Michael Stipe song, "In the Sun". Here are the lyrics. I couldn't say it better myself. Going to try to get some sleep now.

I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May god’s love be with you
May god’s love be with you

I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes
’cause when you showed me myself I became someone else
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You can’t keep awake

May god’s love be with you
May god’s love be with you

’cause if I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
If I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find

I don’t know anymore
What it’s for
I’m not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand
’cause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe you’re not even sure what it’s for
Any more than me

May god’s love be with you
May god’s love be with you


Marty said...


May god’s love be with you

Akelamalu said...

I hope you can get some rest now and grieve in peace. God's love will always be with you. xx

the walking man said...

Find comfort.

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

one breath at a time, one footstep at a time,

remember to eat and that we love you!

Syd said...

Words and thoughts will come in time. Rest is a good thing now. Be gentle with yourself.

septembermom said...

Take good care of yourself. Rest when you can. The song speaks so much. May God continue to hold your hand through these difficult days.

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

words failing is good. emotions are from a much higher intelleegnce than words. words are very limited. they are incapable of describing reality. they are just a very limited convention we have adoped to organise our communication. nothing more.
just BREATHE. rest. try to stay out of your head and in your body.

Mental P Mama said...

Holding you in my prayers. Wishing you some peace.

SOUL: said...

beautiful song for a beautiful girl.
she is safe now.
thinking of you

San said...

You're right, Doris. That song says so much.

Go easy on yourself. Have patience. Know that many are thinking about you. If you don't have words now, that's OK. Life can be too powerful for words.

buddha_girl said...

Here by way of NATUI. May you be surrounded with love, peace, and soothing arms.

I am praying for you, your family, and your daughter.

Ms Hen said...


Annette said...

Beautiful song. You are amazingly brave and full of grace as you navigate your way through this most intense heartbreak.

I hope you are able to rest and just be and find some peace and solitude in that process.

My heart goes out to you and I am holding you in my prayers.

Cath said...

Oh my good Lord, Doris, I have not visited for a while and I am so sorry. So sorry.

You have tried so hard and dealt with so much and now this?
I pray for you and wish you peace, comfort, hope in the resurrection. Bless you Doris. Bless all your family and I am sorry I don't get over more often.

Daryl said...

Wishing you peace and comfort with the good memories of which there were many ... one minute at a time, keep breathing and be kind to yourself .. we are all here for you ...

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Perfect song.

Take care of yourself, and take the time you need.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Doris, you understand grief - A very powerful emotion, and please know that it may take a few years for you to feel anywhere near Doris again, with the loss of your dear Stephanie.

Look after yourself, don't push yourself... With love and wishing you some peace x

Employee No. 3699 said...

If a picture can speak a thousand words, emotions speak volumes more. The words will be there when you're ready. Just know we are all here thinking of you, caring about you and loving you. We'll be here tomorrow and the next day and the next. We'll be here when you're ready, but for now take time for you.

You're in my thoughts.


SandyCarlson said...

I wish you sleep and peace and closure. At the right time. Meanwhile, know your cyber pals are pulling for you. Big time.

Seamus said...

I've just been catching up here.

Sending you lots of hugs and light.

ConverseMomma said...

That was so beautiful. It made me ache. I'm thinking about you.

Woman in a Window said...

and you come at this wiser than I would. you amaze me. be well, stay strong.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

As time goes by, the words will go from a jumble to coherence. Until then, know I'm with you, even if I do get behind in my blog reading. Thinking of you every day, hon!