Saturday, May 9, 2009
Tomorrow is my first Mother's Day without Stephanie.
When I had my first one, she was four months old, tiny little thing...trying to sit up on her own. She was so cute. Blonde hair, blue eyes, dimpled cheeks, knees, and elbows. I never knew that she wouldn't be here to see me into old age. I never had an inkling that I would say goodbye to her lifeless body just as I had once said hello to her freshly born body.
I remember breathing in her new smell, that freshness that I wish I could have bottled up. When I said my final goodbye to her, I leaned over her body and inhaled the scent of her hair. It smelled of shampoo and that unique Stephanie smell, something so undefinable that I'm sure only I could smell it. She was of my body. She was of my blood. For 9 months I kept her safe and warm, cloaked within me. If only I'd been able to do the same throughout her life.
Tomorrow my son will undoubtedly make the day special for me, but oh, how I will miss my daughter.
Hold your babies tightly today, Mamas.
Peace - D