Monday, January 18, 2010

In Repair

This is really how I am looking at my life right now; I'm in repair.

I know I've probably blogged about this in the past, but I can very much identify with the John Mayer song "In Repair." It should be - in my humble opinion - the theme song for recovery.

Yesterday I returned to my church and to my recovery group. Both welcomed me back with open arms and open hearts. How many people do you know who would do that after you turned your back on them, walked out, and went back to your self-destructive behaviors? I'm not a drug addict or alcoholic. My addiction is people who need me. I spent the last 8 months trying to fix someone who really didn't want to be fixed.

Had my partner been willing to meet me halfway and work on the relationship rather than dominate me, we might have made a go of it, because I really, really loved her. I have to hope that someday down the road, when "things turn green again," I'll be able to have a healthy relationship with a mature woman. I'm giving myself plenty of time and plenty of room, though. A day at a time...

In Repair
(copyright John Mayer, of course)
Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right
Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair, i am in repair

Stood on the corner for a while
To wait for the wind to blow down on me
Hoping it takes with it my old ways
And brings some brand new look upon me
Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair, i am in repair

And now i'm walking in a park
All of the birds they dance below me
Maybe when things turn green again
It will be good to say you know me

Oh it's taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unready
Oh i'm never really ready, i'm never really ready
I'm in repair, i'm not together but i'm getting there
I'm in repair, i'm not together but i'm getting there

6 comments:

Daryl said...

Of course they welcomed you back, that is what support groups do .. they support, they don't judge .. we often don't take that step back into the warmth of support because we take our negative feelings about ourselves and put them onto others so we can avoid doing what in the end is not hard but healing ... so glad you went to church and back to your friends .. now I repeat .. baby steps .. learn to feel good about yourself just as you are .. see what others see!

Ms Hen said...

Hugs..

I love this song. I never heard it.

I'm in repair... and will always be looking for the next spiritual UPGRADE... lol.

I love that concept..

Enjoy this DAY....

Syd said...

It's a hard lesson not to fix someone else. I am grateful to have learned that I am powerless over others. But it was a tough lesson. Thanks Doris for being here.

Maggie May said...

Your church sounds a good one and I am pleased you are being supported by them.
Put everything down to experience. Maybe you rushed in at a time when you were heartbroken........
Keep trekking on.

Nuts in May

Mental P Mama said...

Your friends who welcomed you back are the true embodiment of non judgement and acceptance. You are blessed. Relish that.

BREZZ said...

i love him-- and i think this is my new favorite song. :))

pass that wrench?

happy tuesday-