Saturday, January 16, 2010

One Foot in Front of the Other

Bear with me. I don't plan to wallow in this forever. I am a survivor.

Although I listened to "Freedom" (George Michael) a couple of times today, I also listened to "Stop This World" (Ne-Yo), which was supposed to be our wedding song. For the second time since I left, I stopped feeling shell-shocked and just let the tears come. I'm brokenhearted, but I'm not broken.

Here are some of the positive things I did today:
  • Got out of bed at a decent hour
  • Went for a visit with my therapist; she gave me the second hour free
  • Cleaned house (at least partially...lots more to do)
  • Went to Borders bookstore for the first time in 8 months; had a coffee; browsed
Last night I dyed my hair again, a nice ginger shade. I needed to do something kind for myself. It was a good start. It gave me the oomph to get out of bed today, as crazy as that may sound.

Someday I'll be ready to move on. I will stop thinking I did something to cause what happened. I'll be able to remember the good things about the relationship and forget the bad (except to note what I will NOT accept).

Thank you all for your continued readership and support. Peace - D

The two songs mentioned are available here:


HEATHER said...

No words, just prayers coming your way.

Syd said...

Doris, you didn't cause the abuse. Be good to yourself.

Mental P Mama said...

Sending you nothing but light...and you are already making great strides!

Ms Hen said...

Remember the most important thing. You got OUT. My mentor said to me that Healthy people will get out within 18 months.. and permanently out..

You got out.. (hugs).

You were in a bad place with the death of your daughter.. (my daughter used to drink and drive excessively-and I had to get into Al-Anon 2.5 years ago).. it helped..

But people lose their children and that is the worse thing that can happened to a parent.

Please don't beat yourself up.. you GOT OUT.. and you are going to find so much Serenity.. and NO Shame. We all have been in some type of abusive relationships (verbal and emotional etc).

BREZZ said...

i'm sorry things didn't work out--
but i am glad to see you again, and you are moving in the right direction.
big hugz to you my friend.

Daryl said...

Baby steps .. embrace yourself and others will too

Maggie May said...

You have to let it out!
Do what you can to pick yourself up.

Nuts in May