Monday, February 22, 2010
I hate it when I feel like crying for no reason, though I know there is always a reason, deep down.
My friends who lost their son just passed the 2-month anniversary over the weekend. I couldn't reach them by phone or text, which worried me, but I remember dissolving into a puddle of tears on Denise's bathroom floor when I hit that same milestone. It felt like I was hitting a brick wall. I'm hoping they are picking themselves up off the floor.
It's been nearly 11 months now since I lost Stephanie; can you believe it? It seems like yesterday to me.
Today I'm feeling the rawness of it all, still. My first appointment with my new counselor is on Friday afternoon. I can't wait, really. My last counselor was good, but I need someone now who is less afraid to really peel back the grief. My previous counselor saw me through the codependency and angst that I suffered between 2006 and 2009. Now I need someone fresh, I think, who can deal directly with my grief.
March 24 I will be returning to school, though through a different program. It will still enable me to become a counselor, but it will be completely distance education, two classes per quarter. Wish me luck.
For now, I'm just trying to get through one minute at a time. It's a very difficult day.
Peace - D