It was a tough weekend of nothing but schoolwork and drudgery. I really needed to get out a little, but that was limited to one trip to dinner and a shoe-shopping jaunt over to Sports Authority. The way my foot has been hurting, I needed new shoes, so I went out of necessity.
Paul fixed the front door - new coat of paint and a new lock-set. It looks very nice. One thing at a time, the projects are getting closed out around here. Someday in the future, he'll be able to move on without feeling like he's left me holding more than I can handle.
Meanwhile my baby sister might move up here earlier than planned. She isn't doing well. Tomorrow she goes for her CT scan of her lungs, pelvis, and abdomen to see if they find any cancer. I can't be there with her. If they see anything, she has to have a bone marrow biopsy. Maybe if that has to happen, they'll let her come on up here and see a doctor close to me. That way I can hold her hand while she goes through that procedure. I'm worried about her.
My brother L also finally contacted me, though it was brief. He just said he was in a deep depression, and that was the only message he sent. He didn't respond to anything else. I'm hoping he can shake it off.
Lots going on in my family right now. Your prayers are appreciated. When they are sad, I'm sad. I feel for them. It's a blue Monday, for sure.
It doesn't help that I'm feeling that emptiness about Stephanie again. I catch my breath sometimes, remembering all of a sudden that I'll never see her again. I think of some argument we had and I'm angry with myself. I think I hear the doorbell ring and I relive that day, April 3rd. Some days are just better than others. Today's not a good one. Today is a day I want to go into a cave somewhere and hide from the world. That's how another bereaved mother I know has described it. She recently said on her Facebook page that she's retreating back into her cave. She just got finished doing a charity event in honor of her son. Now she's going to hide out for awhile. If only I could do that when I need to.
Too much to do, though.... Maybe that's a good thing.
Peace - D