Monday, September 20, 2010

Blue Monday

It was a tough weekend of nothing but schoolwork and drudgery. I really needed to get out a little, but that was limited to one trip to dinner and a shoe-shopping jaunt over to Sports Authority. The way my foot has been hurting, I needed new shoes, so I went out of necessity.

Paul fixed the front door - new coat of paint and a new lock-set. It looks very nice. One thing at a time, the projects are getting closed out around here. Someday in the future, he'll be able to move on without feeling like he's left me holding more than I can handle.

Meanwhile my baby sister might move up here earlier than planned. She isn't doing well. Tomorrow she goes for her CT scan of her lungs, pelvis, and abdomen to see if they find any cancer. I can't be there with her. If they see anything, she has to have a bone marrow biopsy. Maybe if that has to happen, they'll let her come on up here and see a doctor close to me. That way I can hold her hand while she goes through that procedure. I'm worried about her.

My brother L also finally contacted me, though it was brief. He just said he was in a deep depression, and that was the only message he sent. He didn't respond to anything else. I'm hoping he can shake it off.

Lots going on in my family right now. Your prayers are appreciated. When they are sad, I'm sad. I feel for them. It's a blue Monday, for sure.

It doesn't help that I'm feeling that emptiness about Stephanie again. I catch my breath sometimes, remembering all of a sudden that I'll never see her again. I think of some argument we had and I'm angry with myself. I think I hear the doorbell ring and I relive that day, April 3rd. Some days are just better than others. Today's not a good one. Today is a day I want to go into a cave somewhere and hide from the world. That's how another bereaved mother I know has described it. She recently said on her Facebook page that she's retreating back into her cave. She just got finished doing a charity event in honor of her son. Now she's going to hide out for awhile. If only I could do that when I need to.

Too much to do, though.... Maybe that's a good thing.

Peace - D


Mental P Mama said...

Holding you all in my thoughts and prayers....

Daryl said...

Lots of good strong vibes coming from me ...

Maggie May said...

Shooting up a prayer for you.
Hoping for the best for the babysitter.
Blue Mondays are foul, aren't they.

If you can spare a minute to pop over to mine..... I am looking for American citizens' views on a problem.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Syd said...

Some days are just ones that are blue. I think it is good to be busy and studying. Take care. Sending good thoughts your way.