Monday, November 22, 2010

Sleepless in Frederick


More than one person has asked me later, when it comes up in conversation that I take Seroquel for sleep, "How's that workin' for ya?" A la Dr. Phil. I suppose that, yes, I don't often sleep through the night anymore. Maybe it's time to go back to the drawing board and see if my doctor has something else to throw at me.

Insomnia is the family curse.

Dad used to walk the halls of the house all during the night. I used to think he was just suspicious, poking his head into our rooms now and then, but now I think he just couldn't sleep and needed a reason to be up. Maybe he thought he heard something and had to check on everyone. Mom was an insomniac, too. She was more prone to daily naps than to a good night's sleep. My brothers and sisters all take something for sleep - okay, except my older sister who sleeps like the dead. As far as I know, she takes nothing. It's a lousy feeling, to not be able to sleep. I can get to sleep, but then I'm awake a couple of hours later. I can't take Ambien (one of the evil drugs that killed my daughter) or Lunesta or any of the other pills designed for people with mild or temporary insomnia. Oh hell no. It takes the big guns for me.

I have sleep apnea, which shouldn't surprise me, because I get quite a bit of sinus congestion at night - a side effect of the Seroquel. So the Seroquel might be making my insomnia worse, if you think of it from that perspective. Again, I have to see my doctor and see if we can try something different. I'm always afraid of switching up the medication, because one never knows what weird side effect might hit next. I could become the bearded lady who starts working the circus circuit, or I might gain a lot of weight, or I might turn purple.

When you're dealing with any new thing, it makes you more prone - in my humble observation - to have problems sleeping, eating, or doing the cha-cha. I've had my share of new things to deal with. I made the mistake of thinking yesterday that I didn't really need the cath, so when I did it finally, it resulted in pain and some complications. I got back on track, but still. Ow.

Before I went to bed tonight, I thought a lot about how many fears I've had to face down in the last couple of years. Just because I won the skirmishes doesn't mean I didn't come away with battle scars.

Maybe that will be my circus character. The incredible scarred woman.

She's been through 150 battles and has the scars to prove it, but she's still standing! Look away! Look away! We can't be held responsible if you continue to burn this image onto your retinas!

Ooooookay. I think I may be ready to try and sleep again. But to answer my friends' Dr. Phil-like question? I don't think it (my current routine) is working out so well.

Gah.

Peace - D

8 comments:

the walking man said...

Tried a more holistic meditative approach? Yoga without the bending and stretching? The mind need not be a terrorist it can also be a peace maker Doris.

I have been on both sides of the fence.

Daryl said...

I wish I could commiserate from experience but like your older sister, I put my head on the pillow and I am out ..

Maggie May said...

I usually drop off OK but wake around four am and take ages getting back to sleep and that means when it is time to get up, I'm still tired.
I wouldn't take pills though!
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Syd said...

Have you thought about a sleep study to determine if you do have apnea? It might help with your sleeping because you would get good sleep and not broken sleep. Just a thought.

RiverPoet said...

@Mark - Yeah, back during a layoff in 2003, I didn't take anything for sleep. I just went to bed when I felt like it and got up when I felt like it. I'd usually drop off somewhere around 2 a.m. and get up around 10:00. I wish I could still do that. Much healthier.

@Daryl - No, no! Don't wish it on yourself. It's horrible!

@Maggie - Wish I didn't have to take anything for sleep. In fact, I wish I could go back to my 30s when I took no meds for anything. Those were good days.

@Syd - Yes, I have sleep apnea. I went through that awful sleep study, and I have a Bi-PAP I'm supposed to wear. But the side effects stink. I wake up with a mouth so dry that I can't swallow until I get the headgear off and take a sip of water. I have such allergies, too, that I battle with congestion at night. That makes it difficult to wear the Bi-PAP because the air doesn't get in. AND? If you're the least bit claustrophobic, forget it. Makes you feel like you're trying to sleep in a scuba mask. I didn't get much relief from all of it anyway.

Peace - D

Shubhajit said...

Insomnia is a curse.

There are two things - one who sleep less and one who can't sleep.

Try some 'Hatha yoga'. After six months surely you will get the result..but slowly and gradually..

San said...

My mother-in-law has insomnia. She's almost always tired. In her case, I believe she is a natural night owl, but my father-in-law is a morning person who falls asleep before 9 p.m.

I tend to be a morning person, which is easier, working a day job. I'm usually very tired by bedtime and fall asleep pretty easily. I count myself blessed in this regard.

SOUL said...

hiya D sista! man i feel for ya. i have been on one thing or another for sleep since 1989. not sure about you, but i think it's similar, my chronic insomnia began with trauma/depression. every single darn night i can't sleep without something. for a couple years, in the beginning-- i 'self - medicated'..then i was diagnosed - several years later, after another big "hit", and since then
have been taking or have taken every sleep or other tranquilizer for sleep . it's horrible. and, like you--- it's not working out very well. the dose i am at these days would put a horse down -- me? i'm lucky if i sleep for three hours -- even after the three hours it takes for the meds to even put me to sleep in the first place.

anyhow-- that isn't why i came over -- but i do know how ya feel. and i hope it gets a lot better ya.

i did come by to say howdy -- and say thanks for leavin me a note-- i had long lost your blog link.. so now i got you all linked up again, and will do better keeping in touch. one of my many things on my 'to do ' list.. of ch-changes. ya know?

just gettin a little tired of sittin like a bump on a log expecting things. to change-- knowing it won't happen without action. so here i am.. (action!) :))

biggest hugs D