Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Trust


I was in the ER again on Sunday. It always seems to happen on the weekends, you know? I quickly went from having a nagging feeling of not being well (on Saturday) to lying on the cold tile floor in the bathroom with searing pain that reached the soles of my feet. That's never happened before!

So off to the ER we went, Sean and I. My urologist ran the case by phone telling the doctor exactly what she wanted to have happen for me -- which antibiotics, which analgesics, which pain meds. Sean and I were there for six hours. Kim was working in Rockville, and doctors just aren't allowed to be sick or have family members who are sick. She did, however, call the ER and have them take a phone to me in my room so she could check in on me.

They sent me home that evening with prescriptions for Doxycycline (exactly what Kim thought I should have), Pyridium (which I already had at home), and a higher-dose of Xanax to keep the bladder walls relaxed, along with instructions to take painkillers as necessary. Another hour was spent waiting for prescriptions, and then I was finally able to come home and rest. The Xanax is not a good thing. It's making me depressed, though it is helping with the spasms. Morphine, which they gave me by IV in the ER, is also not good. I've developed an allergy to it. Last time it was just a little itching. This time it was full blown hives up and down my arm. No more of that for me.

I had to depend on someone else to keep an eye on the boys while I went through all that on Sunday, and I got the feeling she thought, "Huh...a UTI? At the ER? What a drama queen." But UTIs and me are nothing to play with. The doctor wants to move up my surgery for the implant. What was supposed to happen 4/29 will likely happen much sooner, if her office staff will get moving. Someone will have to be bumped from the schedule, but if they don't make room for me, I'll have 2-3 more serious infections before then. It's just the facts of my life. I can tell you I didn't feel I could trust this sitter, especially after the way she seemed toward me when I got home.

And I'm having other trust issues. I don't like it. It's not comfortable. But i will get past it. Or I won't. We'll see. I'm not used to trusting anyone, and I find it hard to do. I'm trying to learn, though. I really am.

Peace - D

4 comments:

the walking man said...

Doris I went from trusting no one to trusting just about everyone, taking them at their word and now back to words mean nothing you have to show me.

As for the medical thing...I am sorry you have to live through it but you know that when you are healed up the world will be an easier place to deal with, including all of the issues we have.

Be Safe and As comfortable as you can be.

Daryl said...

Trust is learned and earned like respect .. but I do think you need to work on stopping projecting what you fear she will think til you know what she thinks .. its not fair to assign your thoughts to her. Just sayin'

And the spine surgeon bumped someone twice to get Toonman's surgery done .. sometimes its necessary.

Mental P Mama said...

What Daryl said....and who took care of the children until you came along?? Are they still available to help out? Hugs to you, I hope this surgery can fix this.

RiverPoet said...

Points taken.

The thing is, when I'm sick? Nothing is okay. Everyone is suspicious, and I always project my thoughts onto them. I should know that about myself by now.

I'm still not sure how much I trust this person, but I'm reserving judgment. Right now, we really need her to be available to sit, so I'm trying to cease and desist these detrimental thoughts. After all, I barely know her, and I can't judge her based on what the last nanny did.

D