Friday, July 15, 2011
I keep having dreams.... dreams about these little boys that I miss so damn much. It really sucks when you get drawn into a relationship and fall for the KIDS, and then those kids get ripped away from you. It really hurts. Funny, I don't miss Kim, but I sure as hell miss the kids.
Lots of nostalgia going on in me right now, or at least in my subconscious. I dream about the boys, and it's like I'm right there, tucking them in, getting them ice cream, trying to get Justin to eat veggies. And sometimes I dream about Denise. It's forgiveness happening, when it comes to her. I don't hate her. I just hate that things happened the way they did.
I'm taking my time and learning a lot about me. I have a lot of outside activities that I'm involved in, and that keeps me busy. It's good. I've made new friends and found new ways to be happy with myself. I'm not ready to be in a relationship again right now. Everyone I'm with always tries to keep me fenced in, and I don't want that. I have more to give to my partner when I have the freedom to be fully myself. Someday maybe someone will cross my path who fits that very simple requirement -- or at least it seems simple to me.
Meanwhile, I guess I will just keep dreaming and somehow finding peace in that.
at 4:24 PM